Transitioning to a “SAHM”, Part 1

I use to wake up at 5:11, get publicly ready (make-up), dress my son up sort of cute, drop him off at school, and go crush the day. After pick up, I was the fun mom who played and laughed and made healthy, nutritious dinners. Fast forward through me graduating and our family moving to Massachusetts, where full-time daycare for two kids costs north of $3,600/month, and here I am: I’m not a stay at home mom, I’m just a mom of two boys that happens to find herself often at home with the kids. I am an unpaid intern not earning any college credit. I am a volunteer who didn’t really volunteer. The problem is, none of my newfound work matters to anyone looking at my resume whenever I can enter the workforce again. Meanwhile, my kid is like, “Mom what’s the plan today?” And I’m like, “Look kid, you aren’t paying me to make plans… “

(Full disclosure, I do love my kids to pieces and of course I have a plan…because routine is everything)

So how do I survive? It’s taken me a while to figure this out and I’m still not perfect. But here’s my some whatever step, guaranteed to fail plan.

1.)    Pretend you don’t stay at home with kids: every week you’re something new!

  1. Example: this week I am an interior designer. I drop my oldest off at half day school, I then go to starbucks, act like I’m in a rush and have important meetings to attend (I do not).
  2. Walk next door to Sherwin williams, look at paint samples. Heck I’ve been there all week…I practically work there at this point, I just go down the aisle’s and hoard a million paint samples (they’re free, after all!). I’m like light grey, earl gray, winter grey, oatmeal grey, sunset grey, all the grays–I NEED THEM.  FOR MY “JOB.” Then I stomp on out in my cowgirl boots, like I got places to be and people to see (AKA gotta get home to let my dog out before he pisses in his kennel again).

2.)     Keep caffeinating yourself. If that’s not working, keep putting sugar in your mouth so you feel like you are on top of the world. I keep candy corns on hand, I think that follows the keto diet.

3.)     Stop to enjoy your kids when they are smiling and being cute and remind yourself how much you love them. Honestly, I really do love my little booger faced kiddos an incredible amount.

4.)    ORDER GOLD FOIL STICKER STARS.

  1. I used to be humble. Then I cleaned the house and got my kids to bed and I didn’t get complements (ok, fine), but I also didn’t get graded (ok, fine), but I also didn’t get paid. WTF. So, its up to me now to reward myself. So, I went and got a crap load of gold stars and I put them on the fridge. Ya know, judge as much as you want, but I’m crushing the gold star chore chart. This is my life y’all. Daycare subsidies are important- remember that when you vote.
  2.  If I take my vitamins- gold star. If the house doesn’t look like a tornado came through it- gold star. If I go to the gym- 50 gold stars. If I cook dinner that includes vegetables- 3 gold stars and a bottle of wine (who am I kidding? I always get a bottle of wine…)

5.)     Show off the gold stars. Everywhere. My husband comes home and I’m like look babe, I’m employee of the month!

6.)     Decide what you’re going to be next week– I’m thinking botanist. Gonna turn this house into a mother fucking jungle.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s